autumn_leaving (autumn_leaving) wrote in veg_ed,
autumn_leaving
autumn_leaving
veg_ed

binging

ughhhh.

Who says vegans are hungrier?  I binged all friggin weekend. It was terrible--we had guests all weekend, so I played the good little housewife and cooked big meals all day and then we took our guests out to eat twice.  I felt ill and so uncomfortable, but I was zombie-eating--I didn't even realize what I was doing until it was too late.  I was thisclose to a nervous breakdown last night.  I am so ashamed of how I look and eat that every day is a complete nightmare.  I don't even care anymore if I get thin, i just want to be normal.  I just want to be able to sit down to a meal without over-analyzing what everyone else will think about how much/little I am eating, without adding up the calories in my head, without wondering how to make up for my sins later on.  I wish I could look at dessert and leave it alone without it nagging at me.  I wish I could just eat in moderation instead of this binge/restrict bullshit.  I have become such a ridiculous person.

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