Anyway, last night my fiance discovered my "stash". My diet pills, fabric tape measure, diet teas, protein water (no, not vegan, but at the time I bought it I didn't care), and so forth. Pretty much every piece of physical evidence of my ED, which I have carefully hidden for years. He pulled out the protein water and said, "Why on earth would you buy this, this is the dumbest thing I have ever seen" and proceeded to repeatedly ask me why I would purchase such items, tell me I'm fine the way I am, tell me it hurts him to know that I don't like myself, and mutter "it's not like it would work anyway, you don't even work out that much".
I was so completely shocked I didn't know what to do. The things my ED has made me do are so gross to even think about that I was not about to share them with him. He has been a faithful vegan for almost 15 years and I think he would be disgusted with me if he knew all the times I have bought yogurt and cheese while in binge-mode, only to get sick and regret it later. Hell, it disgusts myself. Anyway, I didn't say anything, I just told him to leave me alone and I went in the bathroom and cried.
When I came out he tried to get me to talk about it a couple more times but I just couldn't. I tried to tell him once before and he told me I was making it up. So what good would it even do now?
I don't know why I'm telling you guys this... maybe someone has an idea of what I should do about this. He's not likely to drop it, but I'm not ready to seek treatment. I have a baby so I honestly just don't have time (or a babysitter) to go to therapy. But if I talk to him about it, I am afraid he's just going to say the same thing, that I look fine and I am making it up. I guess I'm stuck either way.